Warning: Below, there are a lot of spoilers for the ending of Mass Effect 3.You have been warned.
Mass Effect the First was the first video game I actually
sat down and played. Well, sure, I had played a lot of Nintendo 64 games but
that was always with my younger brother breathing over my shoulder and I’ll
admit to giving up on most of them. And I had played Resident Evil Four my sophomore
year of college with Elizabeth screaming behind me but even then I knew the
best strategy, the best weapons, and how the game ended. Mass Effect the First
was the first video game where I had no idea what was going to happen. And
Shepard was the first character I created. With my trusty pistol, the always
amazing Garrus, and the daring Kaidan by my side, I saved the galaxy. And in
Mass Effect 2, without Kaidan, but with new friends, I did the impossible and
stopped a Reaper invasion. Galaxy saved again.
Last
month, years later, it all came to an end. Mass Effect 3 came out. I won’t add
to the conversation about the ending that no one likes. I understand it,
although I think BioWare should just stick to its guns and call it quits. When
all is said and done, I hate that the controversy is covering up the fact that,
before the Crucible and before the three choices that aren’t really choices, it
was a damn fine game. Because, in the end, it was a game of goodbyes.
Near
the end of the game, before the final push, there’s this moment where the game
pauses. It’s a time where Shepard gets to say goodbye to everyone that she
cares about. And everyone is so scared. Allies have been lost already (do not
even get me started about Mordin) and deep down most of your friends don’t
really believe that they’ll ever see each other again. I was playing the game
late at night, this knowledge in the back of my brain telling me that the game
was almost over. And so it was through a haze of tears and exhaustion that I
had to say goodbye to characters that I felt I’d lived lifetimes with.
It
was also, perhaps, why I wasn’t more worried when I couldn’t find Kaidan. He
was my love interest--I’d been one of those people who had turned down Thane
and Garrus in Mass Effect 2 and had instead gazed longingly at a picture.
Looking back on it, I guess I thought that there’d be some sort of cut scene
with him. But the terrible thing is that there wasn’t. Before the final push,
in that final calm before the storm, I mistakenly walked right past him. And
so, my Shepard got to say goodbye to her best friend, her sister, her fellow
soldier, her ship’s artificial intelligence, to everyone—except for Kaidan.
And
the game ends, and because I loved Legion, I choose the blue path and my
Shepard died before my eyes. The Normandy crashes and Garrus and Joker step
out, and then so does Kaidan. It’s supposed to be an ending of hope, I think.
Look—at least some of your friends made it! And yes, I was somewhat happy. But
there was also this knowledge that in my playthrough, Kaidan will forever think
that Shepard never truly forgave him and never truly loved him.
Sure I went on youtube the next day and watched
the ending that should-have-been, but in my playthrough it never happened. And
I haven’t gone back to fix it. I probably should. Maybe when the DLC comes out
I will, but I can’t right now. Because I can’t say all those goodbyes again. Or
maybe because I can’t say goodbye to this trilogy and to Shepard, who helped me
save the galaxy—three times.
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