11:06 PM

I want to hear the thud

Posted by Elizabeth |

It’s a Disney cliché: The villain, finally defeated by the virtuous hero, falls to his or her death from a conveniently placed cliff/waterfall/castle buttress and disappears into the mists before we see the body hit the ground. It’s a convenient, goreless way to dispose of a character who has served their narrative purpose and now needs to meet justice. Parents are squeamish about exposing their kids to violence, and it’s understandable. That’s why I was a little shocked when I started watching Clone Wars—a Cartoon Network show set in the Star Wars universe between Episodes Two and Three. When characters die on this show, they don’t fall blissfully out of sight—they get stabbed through the freaking chest with a lightsaber!

Clone Wars has the highest body count of any children’s program I’ve ever seen, both for villains and heroes. These victims are characters with names, personalities, and more than ten minutes of screen time. And I think it’s fantastic.

The narrative crux of Clone Wars is right there in the title. This show may be written for children, but it is still about characters who are at war. To show a war without casualties would be a lie—even though many other shows (for children and adults) find that lie to be acceptable. It would be so easy for Clone Wars to take this route. Most of the battles are waged by droids and helmeted clones. Who cares if they kick the bucket, right?

Except that the writers go out of their way to depict each clone as an individual, with unique aspirations and motivations. One of the first season’s strongest episodes, “Rookies,” follows a team of clones’ first battle with the Separatists. These clones (Fives, Heavy, Echo, and Cutup—every soldier has a Battlestar Galactica-like call sign) are stationed on a remote, but key Republic planet, and are itching to see some action. Viewers experience the quirky military culture of their unit (The slightly obscured pin-up girls were my favorite). The comradery earned as they overcome a surprise invasion together. And finally the heart-breaking resignation as the team leaves one of their own behind to manually detonate the captured Republic base. There were a few sniffles on the Schmidtfer futon by the end of this episode.

I don’t mean to make it sound like Clone Wars is the children’s equivalent of The Gulag Archipelago. It has its share of light moments, and plenty of clunky dialogue and hammy acting. And those inspirational quotes in the cold open are pretty terrible. But at its heart, Clone Wars is a show about the nature of war, and how different characters react to opposition. From pacifist lemurs to vindictive cyborgs and everything in between, an entire spectrum of philosophies are given thoughtful consideration in various episodes. How can the Jedi call themselves “peacekeepers” when they are the vanguard of a galaxy-wide war? What can be considered an “acceptable loss” when human lives are concerned? Why is Jar-Jar featured in more than one episode? Okay, so that last atrocity probably isn’t an intentional theme… But Clone Wars is willing to ask some pretty big questions.

In criticism of children’s entertainment, much has been made about how sanitized fairy tales have become from their brutally violent origins. It seems parents used to be a bit less protective of their innocent young ones in days past. Now, I’m not suggesting a return to children’s stories with self-performed amputations and cannibalism. But I do think Clone Wars’ grave examination of violence in wartime is not something parents should shy away from. Maybe if we saw the Evil Queen hit the ground we’d better understand the price of Snow White’s happily ever after.

Episodes to Watch: Cloak of Darkness, Lair of Grievous

4:07 PM

Harrison Ford: Because I Can

Posted by Rebecca |

I was introduced to Star Wars the worst way possible. I was in my early double digits, sitting in a hotel room and these small teddy-bear things came onto the screen. Entranced, I watched the last hour of perhaps the greatest movie trilogy of all-time before I had seen anything that had come beforeit. I know. Blasphemy.

But it will make you all feel better to know that I eventually did go back to watch the rest of the trilogy and, thanks to perhaps the worst memory on the planet, I managed to completely forget that hour I had seen before. Sure, I remembered the teddy bears but WHAT? He’s his father? And HAN SOLO IS GOING TO DIE! In fact, I expressly remember calling my father at work sobbing at the end of Empire Strikes Back and him saying something like “I had to wait three years!” Fathers. But anyways, Star Wars managed to start me out on my first actor marathon (to be followed years later by the likes of Ewan McGregor and Michael Sheen). I wanted to watch every Harrison Ford movie ever made.Now a lot of people say that Ford is perhaps the worst popular actor of all time. Everyone loves him, but the guy can’t act. And although I may agree that it’s about time that Ford retire (cough*IndianaJonesandtheCrystalSkull*cough), I can’t agree that the guy didn’t have his moments. His great moments in fact. Here are my favorites:

5: Regarding Henry: This little-remembered film is one of the few Ford films that don’t revolve around being anaction hero. Instead he’s a creep of a lawyer that gets shot in the head and wakes up remembering nothing of who he used to be. It’s his most understated film in his list, which means that it’s some of his best acting.

4: Air Force One: I mean—it’s Air Force One. Perhaps I just love this one because it was my first R rated film and it made me feel old, or maybe it’s because I just really, really, really like this movie. It’s Ford being an action hero, but it’s Ford being a Presidential Action hero. And that’s really cool. Don’t we all, sorta, wish Obama was a little bit more like him?

3: Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark: Indiana Jones may be my favorite action hero of all time. You know what, scratch that, he is my favorite action hero. Consider the facts: He’s a smart historian who’s interesting in preserving the past. He battles the Nazis for control of the Ark of the Covenant. He has an obvious, fun weakness (why does it always have to be snakes?), and…well….he goes around wearing a really cool hat.

2. Empire Strikes Back: Han Solo. Need I say more? Sure, I will. Although people think that this is pretty standard fare for Harrison Ford, I believe that the Star Wars trilogy would have been less without him. Sure, I guess Tom Selleck might have been interesting (a mustached Han Solo? Let’s all think about this for a second), but Harrison Ford brought this roguish, fun angle to it.

1. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: I’m watching this in the background as I type this blog post. It was supposed to be background noise as I worked, but…well…that didn’t really work. This is perhaps the movie that my family quotes to each other the most (INDIANA! Elsa never really believed in the grail.) But it’s also, I think, Harrison Ford at his best. A weathered hero who has to protect his family, stop the Nazis, and outwit three ancient traps. It’s brilliant. It’s epic.



You’ve been there. You’re at a party, someone says something outrageous, and before you can clamp the imaginary hand over your mouth, you say, “Inconceivable!” Before you know it, you’ve started off a chain of Princess Bride quoting and nostalgia. After about three hours of this, you being to sympathize with Oppenheimer and think--“What have I done?” The truth of the matter is that mass media has forever tainted words and phrases, forcing your mind to make the connection almost against your will. This is our ever growing list of words we can’t say.

“Run” Glee may have little to no artistic value, but damn can it churn out a catchy cover. In the episode “Bad Reputation,” several of the characters try act differently than they usually do (you know, in their previous, totally consistent characterizations). For some reason, this involves singing a terrible, terrible hit from 1975--“Run, Joey, Run.” But now in the Schmitfer house, every time someone says “run,” this song must immediately be sung. Mulder’s getting backed into a dark alley by Krycek? “Run, Mulder, run!” Low on Hit Points in a video game? “Run, Shepard, run!” Accidentally turn on an episode of Glee? “Run, everyone, run!”

“Eagle” This one can be really annoying--especially because it’s one of those references that a lot of people may not know. Zach Braff’s “Eeeeeagle” can ruin a movie (like the new Channing Tatum movie that we weren’t planning to see but we could never actually see because every time they said “Eagle!” we would laugh), a scientific discussion about our national bird, or a car trip when one happens to see a bird out of the window that could possibly look a little bit like an eagle. We have yet to go the distance and actually do the Turk and JD routine, but it’s probably one of the greatest running gags on Scrubs.

“Maybe” As indecisive people, we say “maybe” a lot. And every time, this excellent Flight of the Conchords song must be sung.

“We’ll do that!”  from one of the greatest Star Trek films ever made, Galaxy Quest. This narrowly beats out, “Miners, not minors!”--what can we say, it’s a quotable film. But for sheer frequency, “We’ll do that!” wins. We say it any time we make a plan…or decide what to have for dinner.

“Delete” “Exterminate” “Assimilate” Damn Daleks, Cybermen, and Borg. If you guys ever got together, you could rule the world. And our vocabulary.

“3PO?!? Where could he be?!?!?!?” Ah, the dulcet whine of Luck Skywalker. This phrase has only increased in usage after Elizabeth named her Droid Incredible “C-3P0.” Whenever he gets lost, out pops an inevitable Mark Hamill impression. (BTW, yes, we name our inanimate objects. Deal with it.)

“Would You Kindly” Just the mention of this phrase gives us the shivers. We wouldn’t dare spoil this for anyone who hasn’t played the game, but Bioshock will forever ruin this phrase. And 50s music.

“…in the world.” Oh, Jeremy Clarkson. Need to comically overemphasize the greatness of something you love? Just tack on this phrase to your favorite superlative, and you’re good to go.

“Stop.  Pooping.” From Parks & Recreation’s “The Flu.” Now, whenever we look at Rob Lowe, that line is all that we can hear. This should make for interesting future West Wing viewing. “Mr. President: Stop. Pooping.

“Blondie.” What’s wrong with a mildly amusing strip from the Sunday funnies, you ask? Oh, no, no, no. Every time we hear it, we think “Kiss me, James” from the Lost finale. It makes us cry. Every single time. Curse you Darlton.

“Doctor!” No, not a physician, THE Doctor. This moment in Doctor Who history lives in all fans heart as the time when John Barrowman could just not keep a straight face. The over-the-top ending to an otherwise pretty excellent season is more then a little groan-worthy, and tarnishes perhaps the best acting David Tennant does in the entire series five minutes later. The fact that Barrowman must have thought the same makes us smile every time the word comes up. BARROWMAN!!!

Bonus Word: Epidemic. ’Nuff said.

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