Deadly Furniture

Gargoyles. Epic Music. Sarah Michelle Gellar. A bad guy. A poorly lit room. The CW. A stake….oh wait. Right—this isn’t Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This is Ringer. Joss Whedon isn’t about to break our hearts into little pieces and smash them in the ground and, unless this show goes somewhere far different, I doubt that there will be vampires. But there probably should be.

You see—this show is somewhere bordering on awful. Which is heartbreaking to say because there are so many HUGE television names attached to the project. Besides SMG, there’s Nestor The Never Aging Carbonell and there’s Horatio Hornblower (Ioan Gruffudd) talking in an upper-class British accent. And SMG deserves to have a show to help her break back into the television world. She has the acting chops. She can cry on demand. She can die and come back again and again and again. In fact, that’s a skill that she even uses in this very first episode.

Basic Plot (for all of you who haven’t been hiding under a rock and because Elizabeth demands it): Bridget (SMG twin one!) decides at the last minute that she doesn’t want to testify in a murder case and runs away from Nestor the Never Aging Detective. She visits her sister Siobhan  (SMG twin two) and all looks great and mirror-y until Siobhan falls out of a boat. GASP! Siobhan is obviously dead because we mean---there’s no body, Bridget was unconscious throughout the whole thing, and with billions of dollars Siobhan obviously had nothing to live for. So, Bridget takes on Siobhan’s identity because she can and then realizes, too late, that Siobhan may have had a reason to want to die after all.

Still, despite its obvious flaws, there’s something to the show--even besides a shirtless Horatio. Bridget is a recovering addict that often looks like she’s just barely holding on. This creates a new level for the character. She’s not only hiding her identity, she’s also hiding a crippling craving. And Ringer also has the kind of premise that is never going to be incredible, but it could be a fun, guilty pleasure. It never would have made it on CBS next to Two and a Half Men or The Good Wife, but it might be able to make it on the CW.

But the problem is, that the director and the cinematography don’t do the show any favors. Elizabeth’s personal favorite is the “We’re on a rear-projected boat in the 1960s!” with painful green screen shots. Rebecca’s is the “I’m being followed by a dark but handsome man! I will obviously make out with him as soon as possible.”  It’s a horror to behold. Something that I’m sure Joss Whedon is silently shaking his head over. Well…okay. We doubt he watched it.

In fact, we think everyone is shaking their heads with him. Because there’s so much potential here, and it just culminated in disaster. That being said, we’re obviously going to watch it again. Because somehow we have to believe that these three incredible actors can pull it off, can start ignoring the director, and do something great. And besides, it’s kinda fun. And we like fun.